We are in our twelfth year of marriage and God has not yet given us children. The reality of childlessness has at times been an especially painful one and caused us over the years to ask many questions as to why God would choose not to give us a family. If you’re going through this, you know the struggle can be incredibly isolating, especially when there’s little to no support or teaching on this particular topic in the Church. This is something we’ve experienced firsthand.

Our own journey started with the usual round of tests and appointments, waiting for answers to why we couldn’t conceive. After a lot of waiting, we were finally told there wasn’t a clear problem and were recommended for IVF treatment. After this appointment we both felt strongly that IVF wasn’t the right path for us, so we turned down the offer right away without really understanding what IVF involved at this point. Looking back, this was definitely the leading of the Spirit. A few years later, we ended up back at the clinic for a more in-depth discussion hoping for more clarity and maybe the possibility of another option. This time we asked a lot of questions and by the end of the appointment the answer became clear: we weren’t at peace even with an option that didn’t involve freezing embryos, despite our own great desire for a family. What we now believe is a biblical approach to conception, life and fertility was being clarified.

Around the time of this appointment and final decision to let go of all options for fertility treatments, God spoke very clearly to me through His Word. For years I had prayed exactly the same way about this struggle. I simply didn’t want to let go of the hope or the possibility of becoming a mother so my prayers remained unchanged for a long time. On reaching our final decision about treatment, I finally felt that I was able to really pray for Him to change my heart and I was willing to relinquish any desire for motherhood. If His will for our lives was that we weren’t to have any children then I really did want Him more than children.

A few days following this, in preparation for a podcast, God walked me through Scripture and showed me that conception was never meant to be removed from sexual union within marriage — it was that clear and simple and it was everywhere in Scripture! I have never experienced God speaking to me so clearly before and I can say without hesitation that it didn’t matter what He said to me, the fact that He was speaking to me personally changed everything: I had the most overwhelming sense of peace and the change I felt in myself was immediate. For years I had felt that God was silent to my suffering and that He had left all of my prayers for a family unanswered, when all along He was patiently waiting for me to come to Him without any strings attached.

Over the years we have talked about our fertility experiences publicly but if you would like more detail than what I have shared here you can listen to this podcast that my husband and I recorded with Dave Brennan (CBR-UK’s Brephos ministry) in 2021 where we discuss the Bible and IVF and other fertility treatments. We also have a video on YouTube where I had the chance to speak to a women’s group at a church and in which I go into more detail about our personal fertility struggle, but I also share some key Bible passages that were essential to our understanding during this season.

Because we’ve wrestled with these specific questions over years now, I’ll be sharing in coming weeks more on what the Bible has to say about fertility and what a biblical response to fertility treatments should be. Whether you’re facing similar challenges or just curious to understand the biblical perspective, I hope that these blog posts will bring clarity, comfort, and some much-needed support.

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